Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
