I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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