So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
