I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
