and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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