I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
