Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
