Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
