Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
