WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
