how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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