Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
did i just pee glitter
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
