i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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