I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
