now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
