Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
