Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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