Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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