the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
