I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
