dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
