So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i already hear my dad disowning me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
