I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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