the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
