Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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