If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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