Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's the barista slut.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
