apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize