did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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