if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
