I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
