I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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