Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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