Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
