Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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