Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
