You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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