if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
