dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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