my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
