just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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