Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
