vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
