We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
