I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
