so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
