Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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