Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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