I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
