ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
