fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
