and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
