did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
