be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
