We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
