Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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