Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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