well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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