so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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