so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
