Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
