Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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