Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize