If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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