I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
