you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
