so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
