so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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