What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
