I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
