i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
