Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
